Saturday, November 15, 2008


Maybe tomorrow I won't find this funny. But right now.... uh, 5:48PM, I think it is hilarious!

Friday, November 14, 2008


Mr. Spearman talked to us about the end times on Wednesday. My, is he an intelligent man! Well, here's something I found on to go along with that. Very powerful. Made my heart jump.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Mangled, Healing Heart

I stand before the mirror. Beside my reflection stands a man dressed in black.

Though he's not family or friend, he's no stranger to me. His name is sometimes Thief, sometimes Liar, Snake, Death.

He watches me with sneering eyes that dance with fear. He looks me up and down and licks his lips. I glance at his reflection in the mirror and grimace.

"Go away."

There was a time, before I new him as well as I do now, when he seemed so handsome and seductive in my eyes. He came to me in a time of extreme confusion, when I thought all I needed was to feel loved. And I did, but not by just anybody.

We began to spend more and more time together. He promised to give me everything I needed. As soon as I agreed to trust him, he reached inside his coat, drew out a knife and drove it right through my heart. He skewered any love and confidence I had in myself. And as I stood there, weeping, staring up at him with shocked disbelief, my torn and bleeding heart in my hands, he caressed my face gently. He neared his mouth to my ear and whispered that it was all okay.

"You just need to try a little harder," he whispered to me. "Be a little smatter, a little prettier. Do that and you can have this" - he took my mangled heart from me - "back."

And so from then on I did what he said. Come here, go there, wear this, wear that, eat this, eat that, listen to this, listen to that, look at her, look at him. Everything he said I did. I obeyed without protesting, rarely questioning, always following.

Then one night, I had a sudden thought. 'I don't have to keep doing this...'

And so I began refusing him. He would say, "Come here," and I would force myself to stay or run the opposite way.

Obviously, he did not like that. But I knew I had to break ties with him completely.

So I found a new Friend. The best one I've ever had. He rescued me and gave my heart back to me, wounded, yes, but healing, nonetheless.

And now I stand before the mirror and Liar is here beside me.

"Go away," I tell him, reaching for a hairbrush and running it through my hair.

"Why do you even try?" Liar sneers. "You know you're not good enough. You never will be, no matter what."

I clench my teeth. His words hurt. I begin to panic. No, no, no, I tell myself. Don't listen to him. Don't listen.

"Just be quiet. Leave me alone. I'm over you," I say with my strongest voice and go on to tie my hair up into a ponytail.

"Stop it!" He yells suddenly. "I can't stand it! Stop! No matter what you do you'll never be good enough, you hear me? Never!"

I stare at myself in the mirror, my eyes wide. Old fears and insecurities start rushing back. My heart beats faster, beating itself up against my chest. He's right...

"You're right," I whisper, my voice breaking.

"No, he's not," says a third voice.

In the mirror, another Man stands beside me. His face is kind but it holds a righteous fierceness about it. There's a glow about Him that I can't explain, but I slowly begin to feel more and more at peace, though my old wounds still throb and sting inside.

The Man looks at me with eyes so full of love. "You're perfect the way you are," He tells me softly.

Liar scoffs. "She'll never get anywhere in life."

My Defender glares at him. "You don't know that. You didn't make her, did you?"

"Whatever. Look at her! She's uh-gly! And pretty stupid, too."

"She was beautifully, perfectly designed to fulfill the purpose for which she was made."

I take a step closer to the white-robed man and take His outstretched hand. He holds it firmly and draws me closer to Him.

Liar screams and punches the wall.

The Man wraps His arms around me. He pulls away gently and looks down at me, smiling tenderly. After giving my face one last caress, He gives me a little push.

"Okay, now. You're going to be late to school."

I give Him one last embrace, and leave the room. Again He has reminded me that I am beautiful. Not according to MTV or Popstar. But according to the Lord Most High.

And whose opinion can I value more than His?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Parental Consent

So I had a freaking huge headache this morning, and the school wouldn't give me anything for it without my parent's consent.
But I can go get a freaking ABORTION without telling anyone.
Tell me, is that messed up or what?

Oh, my. It's a sad, sad world we live in.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Pain & Sickness

A boy from St. Joseph died recently.

I didn't know him. I'd never heard his names until today.

My heart hurts for his family and friends. Oh, God, how I wish I had the words of comfort that they need. How I wish I could take the pain away. I can't imagine what their parents must be going through right now...

Life is so unpredictable. You're in the car, laughing with a friend, telling him, 'Yeah, you can change that song,' and then your hearts up at your throat and you're frantically trying to swerve those headlights coming straight at you.

I wish I could do something. I feel like throwing up.

God, You're still in control. You still know what You're doing, even when it doesn't make much sense to us at all.

You're still the loving God. Be with his family, comforting them, holding them, carrying them. I love You.

Just Another One Of Those Days

Today is just another one of those days. I feel so... stuck. I know, great word. But I do. I've been trying to do some more to Jake and Remy's story (maybe I'll talk about them more eventually), but everytime I sit down to do so, either something comes up or I'm so drained that I can't think coherently.

Ugh. It almost feels like giving up on writing would make my life easier...

Okay, I had to get that out of my system. Of course life wouldn't be easier. I'd feel so gunked up inside and frustrated and tired... Like I do right now! I need to be able to put my thoughts into writing. I just wish they wouldn't all be about not being able to write.

On another happier note... God is really doing some awesome things. God is so cool. We (the Youth Alive club) sold about $115 worth of cupcakes... and in just a couple of hours! Saturday was such a blessing.

Got to run now, or I'll have the computer, phone and outings taken away.