Thursday, November 19, 2009

Lord God, I want to stop this rambling.
I want to stop this dead tradition.
I want to stop this hypocritical life.
I want Life. Real life. In You.
Lord Jesus, make me clean.
I'm so sorry. I'm dumb. I focus on myself. I'm addicted to my sin.
I need You.
But I don't know where to start.
One moment I'm there. One moment it seems like I'm standing before redemption - in redemption.
And the next - I feel so lost. I want to hear You again.
I want unhindered communication with You again, Lord.
Please, Jesus, please.
Take my hand and guide me. I want to be with You again.
But as soon as I say that I feel lost and confused and alone again.
I need Your help.
I feel like that's an understatement.
I almost want to say, "You have no idea how much I need You..."

But You do...

You do...

That's why You died for me.

I don't understand everything. I'm still confused. But one thing is painfully, achingly, so sweetly clear to me.