Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Because I love you.

I stand in this empty room
Angry flames lick at the walls, consuming any hope of home
I stand paralyzed
Afraid that the slightest movement
Might expose my insubstantial vulnerability

The room goes down in flames
Decomposing into ashes
A cold, cold wind whips against my lonesome body

I open my mouth, finally
But immediately my screams
Are smothered by mouthfuls of white, cold ashes
I swallow these and feel the sickness deepening inside of me

I need to purge my mind
Of all of this dementia
This sick, addicting cycle
That finds me always trapped
In a room now cold and uninviting
Later hot and overcrowded

Sleep brings only fear at night
Fear of the imminent moment
When proof enough’s provided
Of my sickened mind’s absence

I’ve let this go on for too long
I can’t find my way  back
Did I ever even leave at all?

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know where I am
Or where I am to go
Where was I in the first place?
I know there was a place called home

Why? Why so much confusion?
Can I run and leave my thoughts behind?

I want to erase myself
Erase myself, start over
Start anew with me, won’t You?
Tear me up
Throw away this mess
Draw me all over again

I think I know where I’m going
It’s not where I want to be, at all
I’m going back to Silence
I feel myself disengaging
Tangled in misperceptions
In this burning house’s evil deceptions

The air escapes my lungs
Walls composed of my life’s every wrong turn
Are quickly closing in on me

I want to scream but can’t
I see them walking past
They smile and wave
I want to turn and run
But I smile instead
And with every smile my heart is crying
Why, why?

Because I love you, Ana
And I need You to really want to come to me
I can’t force you to come back to me
You have to desire it

But I do!
Don’t You get it?
That’s what I’m asking of You!
Do You think I really want to stay like this?
Sick, and crazy, and mutilated?
I want to come back to You!

Do you?

Yes. I mean… Yeah…

Ah, you hesitate…

No, it’s just. I think… I’m scared
I’m scared of coming back
I don’t know the way
And the journey seems so long, so daunting

Of course it’s long
There’s no doubt about that
It will be long and you will want to quit as soon as you get started
But I will be there
Right by your side
Taking the same journey
I will be there, Ana, which is more than most can do for you

But I don’t want to let You down…

Ana, don’t you understand?
I love you! I want to do this with you…
I want to be there for you.

Why do I hesitate so much?!

Don’t, Ana. Just tell me you want to do this with me and we will.
You don’t have to deal with all this junk.
I’ll handle it.

I want to. I’m tired of this.
I want to do this with You.
I’m ready… no, well, yes.
I am.
Take over.

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